---
title: "just fucking use kubernetes"
description: "You want to run containers?"
date: 2025-07-01
published: true
tags:
  - containers
  - kubernetes
  - satire
template: blog-post
---


You want to run containers?

**JUST FUCKING USE KUBERNETES.**

!!! tip "Obvious satire"
    If you don't like harsh language this is not the post for you.  Obviously
    ripping off [motherfuckingwebsite](https://motherfuckingwebsite.com/).

!!! warning "ThIs is AI SLoP"
    If you don't like if you can fuck off to the next post, I'm having fun here,
    but satire is not my strong suit and needed some help.

!!! seealso

    * <a href="/should-i-kubernetes-my-homelab/" class="wikilink" data-title="Should I kubernetes My Homelab" data-description="Yes" data-date="2025-08-11">Should I kubernetes My Homelab</a>
    * <a href="/the-wrong-reasons-to-run-kubernetes-in-your-homelab/" class="wikilink" data-title="The Wrong Reasons To Run Kubernetes In Your Homelab" data-description="Running kubernetes in your homelab is complex, time consuming, there are almost no docs to help you (homelab focused docs for things you want to install),..." data-date="2025-12-06">The Wrong Reasons To Run Kubernetes In Your Homelab</a>
    * <a href="/the-right-reasons-to-run-kubernetes-in-your-homelab/" class="wikilink" data-title="The Right Reasons To Run Kubernetes In Your Homelab" data-description="Running kubernetes in your homelab is a fantastic way to learn, explore, express yourself, and run services that you use." data-date="2025-12-10">The Right Reasons To Run Kubernetes In Your Homelab</a>
    * <a href="/i-got-the-kubernetes-in-my-basement-autism/" class="wikilink" data-title="I got the kubernetes in my basement autism" data-description="What flavor of autism did you guys get, I got the kind where I run kubernetes in my basement." data-date="2025-12-05">I got the kubernetes in my basement autism</a>

---

## "But it’s complicated!"

Shut up.  Close twitter and fucking do something.  Life is complicated. You
know what else is complicated? Email. DNS. Life. Kubernetes is the least
painful way to orchestrate containers at scale. **Docker Compose is for your
laptop.**

* Swarm is dead.
* Nomad is just sad.
* Systemd units? Get out of here.

---

## "But my app is small!"

**SO IS YOUR AMBITION.**
You *could* write a bunch of bash scripts and hope they work on prod.
You *could* SSH into servers and handcraft your infra like it's 2011.
Or you could **just fucking use Kubernetes** and sleep at night.

---

## I can just throw my script in crontab

Tell that to your boss when your cronjob failed 16 times in the last week
without anyone noticing. **kubernete** makes it fucking simple, want retry ask
for it.  Hanging script, activeDeadlineSeconds that bitch.  Connecting to six
other services in your shitty ass infrastructure this shit retries automatically.

---

## "I don’t need autoscaling!"

Cool. Tell that to your boss when the CEO tweets your link and the site goes
down harder than your last date.

---

## "But YAML is ugly!"

So is your Terraform, your Ansible, your Prometheus config, your custom CI/CD
scripts written in Bash, and the spaghetti you called a monolith before you
went microservices and made it worse.

---

## "Kubernetes is too heavy!"

Compared to what?

Your handcrafted, artisanal, single-node LXC setup running on an Intel NUC from 2014?

Heard of k3s? k0s? No.  These fuckers will have you running kubernetes running
on your grandpas goddamn gateway 2000 right next to AOL messenger without
splooging out the the ashes of his Marlboro Reds.

---

## SSH?

You don't need no goddam ssh to install your 200lb gorilla editor so you can
hand edit your init files and carefully contruct your init system.  This is
kubernetes, you use the fucking api, all you need is a connection and a
kubeconfig.  This motherfucker runs containers so you can keep your bitch-ass
editor where it belongs, off the fucking host machine!

---

## "What if it’s overkill?"

What if YOU are underkill?

---

## "How do I do zero-downtime deploys?"

Probes my dude, you fucking probe your shit.  Rolling out a new deployment
kubernets won't cut over to your broke ass release if that shit don't pass. No
more writing janky scripts that SSH into prod and run git pull while praying to
the CI/CD gods.

---

## "What if I still fuck it up - How do I roll back?"

`k9s` is your best friend, pop that shit open find your broke ass deployment,
jump owner to the replicaset and roll that bitch back to the working shit.

---

## I need to scale

This shit is built in, add a goddamn replica or 6 for fuck sake, need
autoscaling use the HPA.  This aint your granpas hand fucking crafted pet
server, its fucking cattle.  Load balancing just fucking happens, don't think
about it just use it, and it will work for your six goddamn friends that
actually use your shit.

---

## I want gitops

Let me introduce you to argocd, this fucker uses helm so one fucking command
and your ass is on the beach while your dev team deploys their own shit.

---

## USE KUBERNETES

* It fucking works.
* Everyone else is using it.
* There are like 500 open-source projects built just to make it easier.
* It runs on your laptop, your server, the cloud, and inside your dreams.
* It *will* make your resume better.

---

## Not convinced?

Here’s your alternative stack:

1. A bash script that restarts Docker when it dies.
2. A Makefile that deploys via SCP.
3. A cron job that prays to the log gods.
4. A wiki page explaining how to debug your hand-rolled bullshit.
5. You. Crying.

---

## So yeah

Save yourself.
Save your team.
Save your infrastructure.

## JUST

## FUCKING

## USE

## KUBERNETES

*(or don’t, and become a DevOps cautionary tale)*

!!! seealso

    * [motherfuckingwebsite](https://motherfuckingwebsite.com/)
    * [justfuckingcode](https://www.justfuckingcode.com/)
    * [justfuckingusereact](https://justfuckingusereact.com/)